there's paper in my vomit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How's work?
Spinning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
