Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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