all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
