Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
