I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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