im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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