Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
