oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
