You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
