I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
