I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
