'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
