i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
