Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
