I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
