oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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