I seem to have left my pride at pride
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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