its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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