She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
