worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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