i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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