true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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