..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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