he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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