I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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