Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
