just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
