Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
