i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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