Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
