i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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