I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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