hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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