Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
