If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
