Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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