I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm always down for nudity.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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