the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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