spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
