I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
