just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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