i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
