dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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