remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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