I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
