At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize