Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i think i just lost a toe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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