remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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