we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
wow bdsm is so cute
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
