Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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