what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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