Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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