would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize