He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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