grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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