Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
