I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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