I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
soo... how was my night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
