direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize