Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
