You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
