my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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