just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize