it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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