I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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