11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
