So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize