somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
