Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize