My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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