at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My life is pants optional.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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