Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
