Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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