All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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