TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
