just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
