i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
