I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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