things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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