I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize